The weather is cold and wet, yet still they come. Leaving everything they know behind, distraught refugees from the suburb of Hawthorn East are seeking asylum in Camberwell. Arriving dishevelled and often unwashed, Camberwellians seem in two minds whether to offer them humanitarian assistance.
Locals complain the influx is putting a strain on infrastructure and are making their feelings known in the “twittersphere”.
“Hawthorn East B—– just took my car park! P— off back home! # miss the good old days”
“Woolworths ran out of bananas yesterday – Who’s to blame for that! No more refugees!”
Concerned tax-payer Lester explains, “If I was in their situation I’d want to get out, but if we let more in we’ll be swamped. Their culture is different and most of them can’t speak English properly. I’m worried about the effect it will have on future generations.”
Local government is taking no chances and is building a detention centre in Box Hill to process the refugees. They must take a compulsory citizenship test and swear an oath to never support Hawthorn in the footy or wear their colours, raising the ire of Hawthorn’s Grand Poobah Alastair Clarkson. “This is religious persecution, our people should be able to worship the only one true god- Cyril Rioli.”