New York to be the new Camberwell

In a surprising confession, the mayor of New York Bill de Blasio has suggested that it should become more like Camberwell. “I know it sounds strange but when I saw Camberwell playing around on my Google Maps I thought that the design of Camberwell Junction would be an improvement on what we have in Times […]

In a surprising confession, the mayor of New York Bill de Blasio has suggested that it should become more like Camberwell.

“I know it sounds strange but when I saw Camberwell playing around on my Google Maps I thought that the design of Camberwell Junction would be an improvement on what we have in Times Square.  I’m horribly jealous of everything that Camberwell has to offer. Often people think that New York is one of the great cities of the world but it is the quaint middle-class pleasures of Camberwell that I think New York should be aspiring to. I have been on a fact-finding mission and my sources tell me that Camberwell is on the cutting edge of culinary pleasures, recently there has been an upgrade of the Mexican restaurant on Burke Rd and they even put their food in some funky new bowls now!”

In a strange coincidence, word has got to the mayor that Camberwell is thinking of modelling 6 headed monster junction on the New York model, surprising Mayor de Blasio, “This Is preposterous! Camberwell has so much going for it – it would be silly to try and be like us. First of all, you do not have the population to make it as dirty, smelly and tourist infested”.

Not to be discouraged, largely unknown designer Nathan Alexander has suggested that to make his dream a reality would not be so difficult considering the close proximity of China and Indonesia.

“I have been in close consultation with various government departments and if I have my way we can get lots of immigrants packed into Camberwell in absolutely no time at all. It is true that I have heard some grumblings of discontent about Asians buying property in this area but if I bring in thousands to make Camberwell Time Square there is no doubt that with all the neon and hot dog stands, locals will see all the benefits”.

Not all residents remain convinced changes would improve the area.  “I like Americans,” says Harry, “and I’ve got no problem with the Chinese or the Indonesians but I don’t want to see hot dog stands all over Camberwell. I’m also worried that if Camberwell becomes a popular tourist destination it will open itself up to terrorist attacks, there are many places in Camberwell that probably do need to be blown up if I’m being totally honest but this should be done legitimately by experts”.

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