A tourist from London is in a serious but stable condition after suffering a heart attack brought on by the unnatural friendliness of a Coles shop assistant in The Well. Anyone who has been to London will know that kindness from strangers, shop assistants, friends, family…basically any human with a pulse is highly unusual.
Mr Jones went into Coles to buy some alcohol and a packet of chips when the shop assistant asked him where he was from. After his reluctant answer eye-witnesses say she continued to ask him questions about the enjoyment of his stay and if he’d come by himself or with friends. Under stress from this unwanted social interaction he dropped his beer; here she continued to show an interest in his general well-being and even went round to the other side of her till to assist him clean up the mess. The combination of friendliness, concern and physical contact along with the loss of his alcohol resulted in the man’s cardiac arrest.
This is not the first time that English tourists from London have been overcome by the friendliness of Camberwellians with another incident earlier in the year involving a woman having her purse returned to her after she dropped it. After checking inside and seeing that no money had been taken and all her credit cards were still there she collapsed needing CPR.
“Camberwellians need to be aware that their friendly behaviour is unwanted from London tourists; even people from Sydney are unaccustomed to such behaviour. Listen carefully for obvious giveaways such as accents and walking around like they’ve got a carrot up their ass before attempting friendly conversations,” says Dr. Jensen a local GP who treated Mr. Jones. “If in doubt don’t smile and show absolutely no interest in them as human beings to avoid tragedy.”