You humans are strange

Hey Camberwellians, I’m Rufus the guide dog! I’m so pleased the Japanese have invented this amazing device – the Bow-lingual – which can be put around my neck to interpret my barks into English and is then transcribed by Madam T. Widdles, the ex- dominatrix that now writes for The Camberwellian. Now I can share my […]

Hey Camberwellians, I’m Rufus the guide dog!

I’m so pleased the Japanese have invented this amazing device – the Bow-lingual – which can be put around my neck to interpret my barks into English and is then transcribed by Madam T. Widdles, the ex- dominatrix that now writes for The Camberwellian. Now I can share my thoughts, feelings and also get a couple of things about you humans off my furry chest.

Well, time waits for no dog! Gotta run! Please read on…

The other day I was walking Mein Fuhrer again on another exhausting errand to help him onto  a train but when we got on nobody got up to give us a disabled seat. LOL obviously they can see what a bastard he is!  It was ok for me because I can lie down anywhere and but he was moaning and groaning nearly as much as the pregnant woman that was using the seat.

I enjoyed the Olympics but you humans are strange with all your weird exercises just to get a round gold disc put around your neck. People get so emotional and are crying nearly as much as the Brazilians will be when their economy crashes from paying back all the money from the football World Cup and Olympics. I’m sure Christ the Redeemer will have the position of his hands moved to the begging position after all these shenanigans.

Speaking of shenanigans, some of the Australian Olympic team weren’t very good ambassadors for their country. Naughty! Naughty! What if I went around getting drunk, falling asleep on beaches and sneaking into events that I wasn’t invited to? When you are in the public eye you have to control yourself – so many times I have wanted to bite Mein Fuhrer’s leg or some little brat crying but I know I am representing all guide dogs.

I was none to impressed with the Russians being allowed to compete in the Olympics with their doping program. Luckily I’m here in Australia where those problems are non-existent… Oh sorry I forgot, Essendon drugged their players up to the eyeballs but that’s different – at least those players got banned for a year.

I know a thing or two about taking drugs – Mein Fuhrer gave me a worming tablet the other day, I wouldn’t have minded so much except it gave me the runs! Well as you humans love to say “Too much information!”.  And with that, I’d better go. Rufus

0 comments

Sign In

Reset Your Password

Email Newsletter