In joyous news for the entire population of the world, renowned Deakin University has confirmed what many people suspected – stuffing yourself with chocolate is perfectly fine and helps with athletic performance.
Before it was believed that only eating dark chocolate was beneficial but Deakin has confirmed that everything is ok. Huge bars of dairy milk, white chocolate, Chokitos…you name it, the endorphin lift of being able to eat whatever you want and not worry that it is harmful to your health enables you to take yourself to the next level.
“It was quite surprising when the final results came through,” explained Professor Timothy Blowen, “the nitric oxide bioflavinoid anti-oxidental rudimentalis dipthong hottentot levels in all levels chocolate are off the charts. Nobody could have foreseen this medical miracle, it is akin to Donald Trump’s election victory.”
Celebratory parties have sprung up all over the Western world as people now have the green light to indulge in chocolate binge eating of the highest order, knowing that it will have absolutely no impact on their health and will help with their workout regimen. All of this thanks to Deakin University’s groundbreaking study.