I’m so pleased the Japanese have invented this amazing device – the Bow-lingual – which can be put around my neck to interpret my barks into English and is then transcribed by Madam T. Widdles, the ex- dominatrix that now writes for The Camberwellian. Now I can share my thoughts, feelings and also get a couple of things about you humans off my furry chest.
Well, time waits for no dog! Gotta run! Please read on…
What an incredible time in history… Donald Trump getting voted in! I didn’t see that coming! But I wish I had because every time I walked past the TAB the odds for Trump winning were 4/1. If Mein Fuhrer had put his measly life savings on those odds we would have been rolling in it!
I for one would like to have my dinner bowl replaced! The tight bastard hasn’t bought me a new one since he first got me and considering all the hours of free work he gets out of me you’d think he’d show some appreciation. Every once in awhile, I’d like to eat something different than those horrible cardboard biscuits that are shaped like little bones for my dinner. How about splashing out and giving me some steak so that I have something nice to really chew on!
I have to say I felt really sorry for Hillary Clinton… the last time she got blindsided like that was when Bill decided to get kinky with that intern and his cigar. Of course, there was that other time when Barack Obama snuck up behind her and took what was rightfully hers. I know how you feel Hillary, there’s so many times I’m at the park and I spot some nice little b**** that I would like to fulfil my life purpose with but because I had my manhood cruelly taken away by Mein Fuhrer I will never know what it feels like to parent my own babies.
I shouldn’t feel too sorry for myself, I could have been born a Chihuahua. I saw one stuffed in a handbag of a Camberwell matron yesterday and my heart went out to him. Just looking at his eyes it was as if it was saying, “What did I do to deserve this… I’m a eunuch!”
There’s always someone worse off than yourself. I always count my blessings that I live in Camberwell and not Burwood! Just like that poor Chihuahua, that would be a fate worse than death!
Gotta run humans! Rufus