The pressures of Christmas

Hey Camberwellians, I’m Rufus the guide dog! I’m so pleased the Japanese have invented this amazing device – the Bow-lingual – which can be put around my neck to interpret my barks into English and is then transcribed by Madam T. Widdles, the ex- dominatrix that now writes for The Camberwellian. Now I can share my […]

Hey Camberwellians, I’m Rufus the guide dog!

I’m so pleased the Japanese have invented this amazing device – the Bow-lingual – which can be put around my neck to interpret my barks into English and is then transcribed by Madam T. Widdles, the ex- dominatrix that now writes for The Camberwellian. Now I can share my thoughts, feelings and also get a couple of things about you humans off my furry chest.

Well, time waits for no dog! Gotta run! Please read on…

Gosh it’s getting crazy in Camberwell there is so much going on, what with all the building of Camberwell Central and Christmas.

Everyday, when I go for a walk with Mein Fuhrer I see these men in funny yellow hard hats and lollipop signs directing traffic. They don’t look very interested in what they are doing to be totally honest. I saw one of them looking at his phone and because of my acute sense of hearing, I heard him talking to his mate about his racing tips for Bet365.  Lots of cars were waiting to be let through and I could see they weren’t very happy! One woman driver was getting red in the face and seemed to be saying some naughty words to her children in the back seat.

Of course, with it being Christmas time there are added pressures on the people that I see when I’m walking around town. I guess that is because of having to buy presents and knowing that after three months, credit card companies will be calling in their debts and there will be the possibility of having to declare personal bankruptcy.

You humans are so stupid! Why do you insist on buying more than you can afford at this time of year. I see it every Christmas with Mein Fuhrer and his family – lots of arguments over who is going to pay for the Turkey and stressing out who will look after Uncle Derek when he comes over from Queensland. I’ll admit he is a bit of a handful – you’re trying to have a nice family get together but as soon as he gets a skinful of Bundaberg rum he starts ranting about how much he loves Pauline Hanson and saying nasty things about different ethnic minorities.

The pressure from this time of year spills out into the shops too. I saw this man and woman really going at it in a queue in Target. I started barking to try and break it up but it didn’t make any difference so I considered biting one of them on the leg before Mein Fuhrer pulled me away. They seemed to calm down but when the woman was leaving I heard her whisper “F****** a******!” as she walked past him.

I wonder if Jesus would have said that in the same situation. Well gotta run! Rufus

 

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