Reviews

As if proof were needed, First Dates is giving yet another platform to show wankers will do anything to get on TV. The format is very similar to the British version of the program – grating participants being watched by a voyeuristic public that thrives on seeing nobodies humiliate themselves.

And it’s a winning formula! Once you start watching and see the awkward conversations unfold you cannot help but hold your head in your hands and be reminded of your own terrible experiences. The bumbling, the fumbling, the wishing you could get out of there, the trying to impress someone you are attracted to when clearly they are not interested.  You are thrust into this world, cheering on your favourites and hoping they will prevail.

Who wouldn’t want the delightful platinum-haired lesbian Renee to find the love of her life? Unfortunately, she gets stuck with Cruella Deville look-alike model Aimee who is a pretentious vegetarian. To make matters worse, she is also a Kiwi! Despite Renee’s courageous attempts to start a conversation and be friendly, Aimee forgets the down to earth charm that her country is famous for and acts like an uptight New York tart pushing into a queue for a Louis Vuitton bag sale.

The final conclusion is painful as “Aimee the cow” runs down our heroine, Renee. We feel her pain, wanting to comfort her with a hug and perhaps a hip-flask of Jack Daniels to heal the wounds inflicted by the citizen of a country known only for Rugby and sheep.

By programs end, we go to bed a little more educated but perhaps cynical about the human condition. However, we could well tune in next week to cheer on the new combatants as they search for love in all the wrong places.

With more tits and ass than a Berlusconi “Bunga Bunga” party Vikings is the perfect TV series to rev up your weekends.

The action starts with our protagonist Ragnar involved in brutal hand to hand combat and it doesn’t let up for the entire series. Add in a cultural backdrop where inviting your buddy to join in for a threesome is considered a sign of mateship; you can see striking similarities between ancient Scandinavian culture and what happens at after match parties in the AFL.

The series moves through various stages of Viking history from the first arrival in England, where they attack Lindisfarne monastery giving a glimpse into the roots English football hooliganism. Also, we see where the mullet haircut originated and the eating habits of using hands to eat food favoured today in Kentucky Fried Chicken.

More accurate historically than Braveheart which to be frank was a load of old bollocks, there is no doubt that if this series was added to the Australian high school curriculum, history and human biology could be merged together into one subject and would be popular with students and teachers alike.

Applauded for its attention detail and realistic portrayal of Vikings, they definitely would have benefitted from soap and the basic oral hygiene that we take for granted today.

There are many sub-plots throughout the series; the most interesting being the friendship that develops between Ragnar and a monk he takes as his slave called Aethelstan. As they learn each other’s language and customs Aethelstan discovers being a man of the cloth is really quite boring and develops a penchant for killing, drinking and magic mushrooms; shamelessly losing his virginity to a brazen hussy during a shindig where nine people end up being sacrificed.  Say what you will about the raping and marauding scumbags they certainly knew how to party.

When all’s said and done Vikings is a thoroughly entertaining romp through history, with a little bit of everything to keep the proletariat and the middle class’s eyes glued to the screen and preventing them from doing something useful with their lives.

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