A local canine has explained his annoyance at being treated like he is in the movie Fifty Shades of Grey.
“Woof woof woof woof…..woof grrrrrr woof!”
Now thanks to the amazing invention of the Bow-lingual a new-fangled gadget from Japan which translates barks into English, we can understand what he is saying.
“Every day she puts me on a leash and then walks me around… it’s like a scene from Fifty Shades, but in reverse cos in the movie it was that bloke Christian who was dishing out all the spankings. Listen, I get it if you’re into that type of thing… but do you have to use me to re-enact your fantasies? It’s awful! People are looking at me like I’m into kink and BDSM. Surely this is something that could be done in the privacy of a ‘play room’, not displayed to everyone in Camberwell.”
All through Camberwell dogs are suffering in silence as their masters display their dominance, insisting they wear a collar and then walking them around on a leash. To add insult, they are often tied to posts and suffer the indignation of locals patting them on the head further emphasising they are no better than a lowly worm.
“It’s not just the leash, it’s how she talks to me… ‘Come here! Sit!’… this is not what I want in a relationship,” explained the dog who hopes that by his going public, it will help not just himself but his four-legged friends everywhere and end this abhorrent practice.